An open letter...

Dearest Helen Mirren,

Can I call you dearest? If I'm not worthy to do so, please accept my humblest apologies. This letter is an open request to have your inifinite wisdom bestowed unto me. Though I may not be as righteously awesome as you, I implore you: please, please, tell me how you were able to maintain your incredible hotness.


All my devotion,


Allison P. B., esq.

Leave me alone, will you?!

It's only 1:45 PM and already today I've gotten 2 phone calls from charity organizations asking for money, and 1 phone call and 2 letters from credit card companies asking me to be their customer and subsequently go bankrupt.

Oh, and I also got 2 wrong number calls. What the hell?

Can one of my nearest and dearest please tell me when exactly did I walk around with my phone number in bright flashing lights above my head for all to see? Because I simply do not remember.

Cute Commercial Alert!

This commercial is ADORABLE with a capital everything (obviously):

Cute cute cutecutecute! I can't even stand it. That little girl, oh my goodness. I just want to eat her up. But not for serious. That's a little not-cool something we like to call cannibalism.

Ruining my faith in humanity.

So I turn on the TV and start flipping through the guide. There's nothing on so I just leave it on the channel that it was on already, and the most horrifying show was on. A reality show, of course. I (regrettably) give you, Wipeout:



Basically, a bunch of 'ordinary people' kill themselves through crazy impossible obstacle courses to try to win $50,000. And all the while, these two fools up here comment heckle/mock/insult them.

In the 10 minutes I was watching, they made stupid comments about contestants' weight, age, and anything else that's not so un-PC that they would actually get yelled at. But they're not blameless in this; of course they say whatever is written for them and subsequently approved by the producers. Which is only one of the reasons why the business side of the television industry disgusts me. And why do the producers think that this is what people want to see on their televisions? Because people are stupid enough to watch this crap and give them ratings. People are stupid enough to ENJOY that crap. It's the same reason why the majority of the auditions that are aired on competition shows are idiots making fools of themselves, who have obviously only been let through to perform for the judges because they are god-awful.

This Wipeout show though, is the cream of the crop (or at least the cream of the crop that I've witnessed)...I don't know, because something about the fact that the commentators explicitly mocked things like body size and age really really urked me. And thus, prompted me to write this blog post.

The end!